Dance Moms: The Horrendous Trainwreck Where You Just Can't Look Away...

What does one do when they don't have teh internets to keep them busy, but a DanceMoms marathon is on the Lifetime channel?

One watches DanceMoms.

It's like Toddlers and Tiaras, minus the go-go juice and the creepily made up kids that look like adults. But the moms... oh the moms have striking similarities.



Seriously, I watch it out of fear, bewilderment, shame, embarrassment and pure curiosity.

If you remember, curiosity killed the cat. So I'm screwed.

I'm sure many-a-kid watches it for the dancing, what little girl didn't dance when they were in elementary school? Heck, even I danced. However, my version of DanceMoms was slightly skewed from what they show on TV. It involved more coffee and cigarettes and housecoats.

I watch it solely for the moms. The more over the top, the more I get hooked in. The more they cat fight, the more I watch. It's like The Real Housewives of (insert your favourite city here) combined with Toddlers & Tiaras. I'm sure some of this is scripted in one way or another. It's almost too fake. But it reeled me in.



And honestly, I'm not ashamed to admit that I watch it, afterall, admitting you have a problem is the first step in recovery, right?

I Love Food

I really do. I love cooking. I love experimenting with new foods and recipes.

I am in the category of 'morbidly obese', which is kind of scary to even see typed out on my screen. But I've always been healthy, aside from my hiatal hernia. My blood pressure has always been within normal limits, my blood work is always normal. Despite being almost 100 lbs overweight, I do eat healthily (is that a word?) 85% of the time. I do eat 'bad' things, but who doesn't? I just seem to be scrutinized a little more because I'm already overweight. WeightWatchers has taught me that I can eat anything, ANYTHING, in moderation.

When I became pregnant in Feb 2012, I started to keep more careful track of my calories and my exercise. Even now, I do give into a craving now and again. I have eaten my fair share of ice cream, fries and chicken nuggets. But I've also gone weeks of eating salads, veggies, and eggs. You can indulge. If you don't, I found that you'd be more likely to scarf down a full half-gallon of ice cream followed by a whole package of Oreos.

While many 'overweight' people are comfortable in their skin, most are often seen as being unhealthy - even when we don't know their medical history. Most wouldn't eat to gain more weight, most just wind up maintaining their weight give or take a few pounds.

But eating to GAIN weight baffles me.

Unless you're grossly underweight.

But this story that I came across today, baffles the bejeebus out of me. My mind can not wrap itself around this woman's train of thought.

The Joys and Perils of Moving From GA to NY

*Disclaimer:this is really long.

If you are moving, know someone who is moving, or are anticipating a move, you know how stressful moving is…

Back in March, we found out we were moving back to NY from GA. We had just moved here in August, so it was good (I hadn’t unpacked much) and bad (I have to repack), but TheHubs’ new job was paying for some of our moving costs. So I started looking for movers.

Google movers. Go ahead, I’ll wait… You got pages and pages of results, eh? Now try going thru those to find a decently priced mover that will haul from GA to NY. After weeding thru most of the ‘big’ companies, I started looking for referrals. I was referred to Men On The Move (MOTM) a moving company based in NY, and they came with great reviews. After speaking with James C., he gave me a reasonable estimate and we decided to go with them.

After waiting for a clear to close on our house in NY, I had contacted them to set a moving date, since we knew we’d be able to close on May 15^th or later. We decided to aim for May 25^th (there was an issue with the attorneys and we could either close this day, or the first week of June. June was impossible as TheHubs’ new job started before we could close in June). So I contacted MOTM about seeing when they were available to pick us up. After several phone calls (which were usually returned promptly), James advised me they would have a truck in our area May 20-22 and that a May 23^rd pick up date would be ok and they would call me with a time. This was May 5^th or so.

Well, as the 23^rd crept closer, I decided to call the movers. We had gotten the ok to close on the 25^th from the bank. I called on Friday the 11^th, and was told they were still working on the schedule. I reminded him of the pickup on the 23^rd. I called again on the 18^th, and was told that James would call me in 2 hours. 3 ½ hours later – no return phone call. I called again on Monday the 21st, and James was out, so I asked the receptionist if she knew when the pickup time on the 23^rd was. She said they have us for the 27^th (!!??!!!?!?!) and she knew that wasn’t right. She said she’d check with the dispatchers and call me back. A few hours later, still no call. So I called back. She told me that she’d email James to call me. A few hours later, still no call back. I called again. She ensured me James would call in the morning.

Tuesday morning, Ron Moshe called me. He advised me that they would have to pick us up on the 27^th. I told him that was impossible, we have to be out of our apartment on the 23^rd, and close in NY on the 25^th. He went on to explain that they cant send an empty truck to us, as it’s not economical for the company. I told him I based everything on the date James had given me, and that I can understand a leeway of a day (give or take). But not almost a week! He tried to calm me down, as I had gotten pretty upset (thanks pregnancy hormones), but nothing he was offering would help. He offered to find another company to pick us up, and store our stuff in a warehouse somewhere, then they would pick up on the 27^th and deliver on the 30^th/31^st. That would mean almost 5 nights in a hotel, with 2 dogs! One other option would be for them to send a private truck but it would be more money. I told him to call around, but I would also do the same, and see if I can find some other company.

After an hour of crying, I finally went on BBB and looked for BBB accredited movers in Atlanta. After calling dozens of companies, many didn’t do interstate transport or they were booked. I did find one, but they wanted over $7000 for the move, which was double what MOTM were charging me. So I called one more.

Atlanta Peach Movers.

I called them and spoke with Matt M. I was still upset on the phone and he reassured me that he could help. He said they’d be able to pick us up at 830-930am tomorrow morning! Music to my ears! After taking more info, he gave me a quote that was comparable to what MOTM were charging us. He took the time to listen and be compassionate for what we were going thru.

After he emailed me the estimate, he called to ensure I received it. He asked if I could print it out, sign it and scan it or fax it over. I told him I didn’t have access to either, and before I could think of another way, he graciously offered to print it and bring it to me. I was beyond impressed.

When he got here, he went over the paper work and took a quick look at what we have. He was impressed that I was almost spot on with my box count, etc. He took the time to explain the process and how it works. He answered any questions I had, and went out of his way to make sure we were taken care of.

After he left, I spoke with TheHubs and we agreed to use them over MOTM as I had lost all faith in MOTM. They didn’t have our furniture yet and we already had issues. So I called Matt back, and left a message. Within an hour or so he called me back, and processed our deposit.

When I called MOTM back to let them know we had found another mover that was able to come and pick us up in the morning and deliver us on the 29^th. Mr Moshe stated that he was still trying to find someone to move us so that they could pick us up and sounded inconvenienced that I had found a mover so quickly. After he apologized, I told him he could apologize all he wanted, that wasn’t going to move us.

The next morning, sure enough at 830 am, Calvin McGuire and his crew from APM was at our doorstep, complete with the red carpet rolled out in our entryway! The took time to go over all the paperwork, inventory all of our items and made sure that we had what we needed. Calvin and his crew worked hard to get our 1 bedroom/1 office apartment packed and loaded by 1pm.

After they left, we proceeded to straighten up a little more, then head off to drop off TheHubs’ truck fro transport. After that was done, we came back to the apartment and did one last final clean, and took some photos and videos since we were unable to do a walkthrough as we had gotten done later than expected.

We dropped off our keys in the drop box of the office and headed off for NY!

Our first stop was a hotel somewhere in North Carolina. After a short nights sleep, we hit the road again. We got to Scranton PA, just about an hour and a half outside of Binghamton. This was on the 24^th, and our closing on our new house was the 25^th at 11am.

We headed out the morning of the 25^th and made it to our walkthrough of the house at 10am. This was my first time seeing the house. As we got closer to the house, I got more and more excited. When we pulled up the driveway, I was amazed at the house! It was bigger than I expected! After the realtor, myself and TheHubs were done at the house we headed to the attorney’s office to sign the papers.

After that was done, we headed back to check into our hotel (we’d have to stay there til the 29^th), then headed to the house.

For 4 days, this was our routine: sleep at the hotel, go to the house in the AM, go back to the hotel at night. Repeat.

I could not be more happier when Calvin called me to say they were going to deliver on the 29^th in the morning!

As usual, Calvin arrived on schedule with his crew and efficiently unpacked their truck and filled our house with our furniture and boxes! They took the time to put boxes where I wanted them, and arrange our living room furniture how I wanted it.

Our moving experience started out as a horrible one, kudos to Atlanta Peach Movers for being able to help us out so quickly and efficiently!

We couldn’t be happier to be back in NY!

OOOhhhh, ooooh, I has teh internetz

After a week of not having the internet, we finally got internet at the new house.

Oh, and I'm back in NY now.

After almost 3 months of not posting here, I come back with this little gem...

.... you can kill me later.

This was brought to my attention by Jess-i-kerrrr. and I hate her so hard right now.

Good gravy, there are no words.

Ok, I lied. There are words.

holymotherofsweetbabyjesus

Props to the Mom of The Year for getting her child hooked on 'go-go juice' at an early age. Nothing like some Mt Dew, mixed with pixie sticks, sugar, and Monster to start your pageant day.

And for her future husbands... a dolla makes her holla. Good gravy that is wrong on soooo many levels.

This is why Toddlers & Tiaras gets such a bad 'rap. And Extreme Couponing.

Good gravy.

Female Fans. 'An Excerpt...'

This is from an upcoming article I'm doing.

I figured I'd indulge you in a little aperçu...

When guys asked me, and still do, who my favourite players are, I tell them. If a player is remotely good looking, they assume that I like them solely based on looks. Now, while that argument does hold some truth, it is not the sole reason why I like a player. I like them based on their performance on the ice and off the ice (minds out of the gutter people). I’m talking charity, giving back, being a genuine class act. That being said, who are my favourite players, you ask? Well, since you asked so nicely I’ll indulge you…

Brad Richards – yes, setting aside his devilish good looks, he is really a talented player. Have you seen this man pass a puck? It’s a thing of beauty. I could watch video of him passing the puck for hours. He’s a humble guy, team player, and a fantastic giver-backer. Yes, that’s the technical term. +1 for charity! +1 for being able to pass the puck dead on backwards!

John-Michael Liles (Toronto) – again, yes he’s good looking. But the man is solid on D. Solid. A great play maker and knows when to step up and when to stay back. Again, he’s a great community presence in the Denver and now Toronto community. He, like Richards, did a charity event only minutes after he signed with the Leafs. Keepin’ it classy. Plus he’s ridiculously funny and watches “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia”. +1 for ‘hashtag JML’. And did you catch his hair last season? SICK. Give that man another +1!

Henrik Lundqvist – No explanation needed here. The man OWNS the net. + infinity, cause he’s Henrik Lundqvist!

And last but not least Mark Stuart (Winnipeg) – I remember watching him play while he was in Boston. I liked his style of play. He’s not afraid to put his body in front of the puck, and he’s not afraid to use his size and strength to win battles in the corners. When he’s on the ice, his physical presence is felt. He’s also an amazingly humble guy with awesomely epic taste in music. +1 for being my musicsoulmate!

Now I was curious. Does that classify me as a girl who likes the game solely for the players’ good looks? After several cups of coffee I came to the realization that it does not. I’ve never referred to myself, in person or on the internets as ‘Mrs Richards’ or ‘Mrs Liles’ as I’ve seen many people do. I’ve not photoshopped myself into a photo with them. The closest I’ve come is putting someone’s number at the end of my screen name or a password. I’ve never chased down a player to get an autograph to only slip them my number. I have, however, joked about blindfolding Brad Richards (solely for the purpose of seeing if his passing is really that good), and kidnapping Roman Polak… But it was all in good fun. And frankly, if anyone is strong enough to wrestle down the Polak Bear, tie him up and ship him to me, they can do it, but I wish them much luck and a speedy recovery. Don’t get me wrong, I love a good swooning every once in a while, but taking it to the point where I watch hockey only for the ‘hotness factor’ will never come. But I won’t lie, it does make for watching the interviews that much better…

Stay tuned for the complete article...

I would have played caddy...

This was just a suggestion....

Being a golfer, I would have been happy to join the Rangers at their golf outing yesterday. With my 18 holes of experience at an AIG Golf Tourney in 2008 (go ahead, insert an AIG joke. I'll wait...... done? okay, good.) and my vast mini-golfing experience would have made me a prime candidate for being a caddy.

Our whips for the day... notice the precision parking?

Just incase you needed legit proof, I'm Michelle Milne. Or was.

Plus, I's a super excellent golf cart driver. Lead foot.

But, since the Rangers heard about my golf-cart mishap (really, who keeps the carts on the paths? Sand traps are so much more fun, as are the ponds) I was asked to stay as far away as possible. Which made Marty Biron so happy...

Apparently, Dubinksy was relegated to being the ballboy.


and, of course, I couldn't leave this post without a BR shot...

2 minutes in the penalty box

I had a dream last night that I turned it into a 2 minute web series.

Genius.

Make it happen' Cap'in.

5 Things You Never Knew About Me...

1. I speak 3 languages. Fluently. English, French, Czech, and I don't count Russian since mine is really rusty. Rustier than the Titanic.

2. I played the violin for 10 years.

3. I've read War and Peace. For fun. Cover to cover. In Russian. And understood it.

4. I have an obsession with even numbers. It's sick. So sick in fact that I can't list a 5th thing.

My Brain Would Not Shut Off...

Last night, I was up until 3:30 this morning. I had every intention of going to bed at a respectable 12:45am. But my brain, well, it had other plans.

I must've worked on writing too late at night. All these thoughts raced through my head about blogs. It was crazy. I almost thought about breaking out the Dragon Dictator on my iPhone, but the thought of speaking into it in a dark room kind of creeped me out. Not to mention, anytime I use it my accent makes for some funny sayings. Then I thought, if there was a way to harness my brain power and record what was going on... well, that probably isn't the best idea. For all of man-kind. What goes on in my head, should be filtered. Then I thought maybe I should keep a notepad and pen by the bed. But papercuts are a bitch.

I remembered most of what was going on. I had a brilliant idea for a 'Size vs Skill' blog post, and had some pretty awesome one-liners. One was about the Leafs harnessing the blue eyes of 'hashtag JML' and that it would only work if the opposing forwards were pre-pubescent girls, or Sidney Crosby. It was funnier in my head, I swear. It lost some of it's 'je ne sais quoi' over night.

What did I learn?

To not drink coffee at 11pm.

Or keep a white board by my bed. Less papercuts.

The Muscle from Ostrava. Or as I Like to Call Him, My Little Poley Bear.

Little is a misnomer.

A large Czech misnomer. One that could knock you down merely by sighing too hard.

I kid you not.

Okay, I may have overdramaticized his strength. But seriously, he's fierce. And I mean that in the most masculine way. Not how Tyra means it. 'Cause even though I'm not a betting (wo)man, I can almost bet you that Roman Polak does not smize with his eyes.



You hear that folks? He has a massive upper body. Massive.



Beastly.

And he, amazingly, looked scared when he overheard Jen and Diane plotting to kidnap him to mail to me...

photo courtesy of Jen Krechel & Diane Ruff

That is the look of pure fear. Or he had gas. Your guess is as good as mine....

An Ode to the Rangers Goalies.

First there was JD.

Then John Vanbiesbrouck.

Then Mike Richter.

And now, since 2005-2006 season, we're blessed with this:


Oh my-lanta.

If you're sitting here reading this and asking yourself 'who is that fine looking man?' I pity you.

This, my dear friend, in Henrik Lundqvist. Super Goalie. Complete with a cape and sporting underwear on the outside of his pantalones.

...


Ok, now besides his obvious good looks, the man is beyond talented in the net. Unreal. Stellar. Awe-freaking-some.

Proof:


Still not convinced? I'm sorry, here's another:



And proof that he likes to eat ice cream, just like any other human. Out of a cone. With a spoon.

I could watch this for hours.

One person should not be so gosh-darn cute.

Really. It's Lethal.

I know, typical girl response. But have you seen this man pass a puck?! That is a thing of beauty. Need more proof? check here at :51. No look pass.

I'd like to blindfold him (insert bad joke here) and see how dead on he really is. With passing the puck.

#GoNYRangers

Trend it.

You know you want to.

Do it.

#GoNYRangers

While you're on Twitter, be sure to follow me and these fantastic Ranger Family.

@jcutroni
@theNYRBlog
@NYRnation
@TheWrage

#brownbeaut

No, I promise it's not a toilet joke. Although it could make a good one.

#brownbeaut refers to Mike Brown. Of the Maple Leafs.

Who?

Yeah, that's what I said too at first.

Well folks. Meet Mike Brown.

I could copy verbatim his stats from wikipedia, but alas, I am lazy and frankly don't feel like typing that much crap on here. So, here's the link for you to check out.

He's a forward with a mustache that has a life of its own. Apparently he is also Chuck Norris-esque.

Now, without further adieu, here are some of my TOP10 favourite #brownbeaut facts:

10. @TMLGreek #brownbeaut Mike Brown doesn't cut hit grass.... He simply stands on his porch & dares it to grow! #fact #beastmode

9. If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around, Mike Brown can hear it #brownbeaut

8. matthewbacola Did you know Mike Brown had a role in Star Wars? He was the force. #brownbeaut

7. JFlem20 @Bozie42 Mike Brown won american idol using only sign language #brownbeaut

6. @pitchawk: Mike Brown urinated in a semi-trucks gas tank as a joke.. that truck is now known as Optimus Prime #brownbeaut” unreal!

5. @FazooliBarMan Mike Brown has counted to infinity .... Twice #BrownBeaut

4. chelleyschoe @Bozie42 Mike Brown can see the end of an infinity pool #brownbeaut

3. @kphillips_81 Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, but Mike Brown beats all 3 at the same time!

2. @ghowes12 its said if the power of a mike brown hit could be harnessed it would power all of australia for a year #brownbeaut

and my personal favourite...

1. @mkomisarek: mike brown's dog is trained to pick up his own poop because mike brown will not take sh*t from anyone. #brownbeaut


I have to admit, it was hard to pick which ones were the best, and more kept trending as I worked these in.

Awesome entertainment for the night. Awesome.

A shoutout to @armdog for making Mike Brown the Chuck Norris of #leafsnation

Let Me Sharpen Your Shovel, Torts....

“I don’t want to jam up Sean here - I think we have better players than Sean Avery, plain and simple,”

“The players that are here are better than Sean Avery,” Tortorella reiterated. “ Maybe not in the role or a couple instances Sean could help us in, but they’re more versatile in a lot of different areas."

“I’m trying to do this the right way, because I do not wanna keep on shoveling dirt over Sean Avery, but we have better players than Sean Avery, right now on the hockey club.”



Allow me to sharpen your shovel so you can keep piling on the dirt...

Adios Sean Avery...

Let's take a look at some spectacular moments from the one and only, Sean Avery.



He's such a class act... he really is. Sloppy Avery, anyone?

Remember this gem? Again, notice how he takes the high road.

What did Giroux do to you? Putting a mic on Avery = not the best idea.

He's also an expert on French Canadians. Really. He is.

and an expert in dentistry?

Thanks to Lisa G., she reminded me of his utmost respect for goalies. And the backs of their heads. Maybe he was testing out the helmets absorption of a blow to the head?

And above all, a man who respects his fans...



So, who wants him to stay in New York?

The Today Show has failed me...

Why KLG and Hoda? WHY?


I had it on for all of about 1 minute, then I started feeling woozy, nauseous and dumb. In effort to preserve some of my braincells and sanity, I turned it off. I then watched paint dry. It's much less toxic and far more interesting.

A week filled with the Kardashians as co-hosts. While I normally enjoy my 10 o'clock hour in the am, I will not be watching this week. I can't stomach 5 days of the Kardashians.

I must find something to occupy my lost hour of the day. Maybe I'll take up shuffleboard. Or Full-Contact Crocheting.

Cameraman fail

Who thinks he got fired after this epic videography?

Or maybe he doesn't like Darius Rucker?

Narcolepsy on the job?

Coffee at 1030pm = insomnia and youtube discoveries

This Club.

At first listen, I wasn't too impressed. They have almost a Dave Matthews like quality to their songs. All of the beginnings of their songs sound similar. But I listened to this one first, the whole song. Tell Your Mother. I was quite impressed with their vocal abilities, especially acoustically. The lyrics appear to be all over... it went from Telling your mother something, to doing shit early in the morning. I was slightly confused. But if you don't really pay attention to the lyrics, the music is okay.

I then listened to You Dont Have to Cry... which I wanted to do after listening to the song. Again, if you don't listen to the actual lyrics, the music is good. And their vocal talents are there, they just need lyrics that make sense. I had to stop after this song. While this song's lyrics made more sense, I just couldn't get into it.

I gave it the ol' college try though. I really did.

Now I'm going to tell your mother that you don't have to cry early in the morning cause I do shit then.